Why this? Why now?

I have given a great deal of thought to whether or not a blog is right for me. I have been on an amazing journey - some of it very sad, some of it profoundly joyful. Transformation is possible - I know because it is happening with me.

I can't say for sure when it all started, other than it started happening with tremendous regularity upon my 40th birthday. This may be a rather normal occurence - you reach a certain age and start wondering if this is all there is in life. Am I doing what I'm meant to be doing? Are my beliefs real - what are my beliefs exactly?

Here's a smattering of the journey -

I got a divorce and began to discover and explore life from a much different perspective.

I began thinking about my health and researching and reaching out to learn things like: what I should be doing to avoid heart disease. The book, The China Study, changed my life. I am now a vegetarian. This also led me to quit smoking....and finally to stop drinking, too (I don't care what the studies say - just eat the grapes instead).

I have embarked upon an incredible spiritual journey - from a comparative religions class, to studying Ayurvedic living (of which I'm now studying to become an instructor), to learning more about Buddhism, and, as documented here in my blog, an active study of A Course In Miracles.

I am in a place in my life where I finally recognize very consciously that what I put in my mind and in my body is what comes out. As I am reminded most days when listening to Deepak Chopra's soul affirmations, "My body is the garden of my soul."

May I be of vessel of spirit, of loving-compassion.

Yes, I do think a blog is right for me. Thank you for joining me.
Namaste,

mac

Monday, April 4, 2011

Day 94 - Lesson 93

Light and joy and peace abide in me.

As restless as I may occasionally feel, this statement is becoming more and more true for me.  As I read the opening statement to this lesson:

You think you are the home of evil, darkness and sin.  You think if anyone could see the truth about you he would be repelled, recoiling from you as if from a poisonous snake.  You think if what is true about you were revealed to you, you would be struck with horror so intense that you would rush to death by your own hand, living on after seeing this being impossible.

I could feel it inside, that there was a time - for a long period of time - that I did feel this way.  I was constantly worried that people would figure out what an imposter I was and they would no longer want to associate with me.  If they only knew my deep, dark thoughts, they would be disgusted.  I ran from myself for a long time by drinking too much, by smoking too much, by pretending, by laughing louder, by talking louder, by stuffing my feelings, my fear, my pain.

I am relieved, and happy, and blessed to report that I am able to appreciate myself, to love myself, and to believe in the goodness - in my divinity now.  I still have a long way to go (to reach enlightenment), my whole life (and maybe a few more?), but I do feel light, joy, and peace inside so much more often.
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1 comment:

  1. UnknownApril 5, 2011 at 9:26 PM

    Dear Mac,

    ABIDE IN ME

    Jesus was very clear in what we must do in order to have Him ABIDE in us and we in Him.

    He left this command for us in John 6:53-57, and it is the only place in Holy Scripture in which you will find it:

    53 " Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of man and drink his blood, you have no life in you (the taken away branch);

    54 he who eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day.

    55 For my flesh is food indeed, and my blood is drink indeed.

    56 HE WHO EATS MY FLESH AND DRINKS MY BLOOD ABIDES IN ME, AND I IN HIM.

    57 As the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so he who eats me will live because of me."

    What does "Truly, truly" mean to you in verse 53? What does "unless" mean?

    The body lives because it receives real food sustenance. Starve the body and it will die.

    Just as the body needs real sustenance, so does the soul, else it will not bear fruit.

    The soul lives by real Divine sustenance, the true presence of Jesus Christ in the Holy Eucharist.

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