Why this? Why now?

I have given a great deal of thought to whether or not a blog is right for me. I have been on an amazing journey - some of it very sad, some of it profoundly joyful. Transformation is possible - I know because it is happening with me.

I can't say for sure when it all started, other than it started happening with tremendous regularity upon my 40th birthday. This may be a rather normal occurence - you reach a certain age and start wondering if this is all there is in life. Am I doing what I'm meant to be doing? Are my beliefs real - what are my beliefs exactly?

Here's a smattering of the journey -

I got a divorce and began to discover and explore life from a much different perspective.

I began thinking about my health and researching and reaching out to learn things like: what I should be doing to avoid heart disease. The book, The China Study, changed my life. I am now a vegetarian. This also led me to quit smoking....and finally to stop drinking, too (I don't care what the studies say - just eat the grapes instead).

I have embarked upon an incredible spiritual journey - from a comparative religions class, to studying Ayurvedic living (of which I'm now studying to become an instructor), to learning more about Buddhism, and, as documented here in my blog, an active study of A Course In Miracles.

I am in a place in my life where I finally recognize very consciously that what I put in my mind and in my body is what comes out. As I am reminded most days when listening to Deepak Chopra's soul affirmations, "My body is the garden of my soul."

May I be of vessel of spirit, of loving-compassion.

Yes, I do think a blog is right for me. Thank you for joining me.
Namaste,

mac

Friday, April 15, 2011

Day 105 - Lesson 104

I seek but what belongs to me in truth.

The practice sessions for this lesson included repeating:

I seek but what belongs to me in truth,
And joy and peace are my inheritance; and,
I seek but what belongs to me in truth,
God's gifts of joy and peace are all I want.

I'm struggling with what to say about this.  My heart is full of so much....but for whatever reason I can't seem to call forth the words for documentation.

I've been feeling stale about this blog / journal this week.  I don't know why?  I feel like I'm bursting with things to say, but when I sit down to write it out it goes away.  I am trying to observe myself without judgment and I'm trying to detach from expectations and outcomes.  It doesn't feel very satisfying.  I feel like I'm not really getting it.  Like I'm understanding it intellectually, but in real 'heart practice' I'm not there.  I know, I know, I need to embrace uncertainty, let go and just be.  I need to try to stop forcing solutions....

I need to meditate.
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