Day 120 - Lesson 119

Review -

107 - Truth will correct all errors in my mind.
108 - To give and to receive are one in truth.

Today ended up being a day of searching for truth - though completely unplanned.  I asked Source to use me as an instrument in all of my encounters and interactions.  I typically start out my day asking this.  However, today, I asked it over and over again.  It's not because I thought Love was slacking, it's because I wanted to make certain I was listening.  It wasn't easy.  I will be praying about the situations I encountered today for the remainder of the weekend, with every faith that Source will guide me in providing the information I am responsible for on Monday.

I know this all sounds very cryptic.  However, all that is important is communicating with Source; being silent so I can hear the message.  When I give silence I am able to receive the truth.

Day 119 - Lesson 118

Review -

105 - God's peace and joy are mine.
106 - Let me be still and listen to the truth.

As I was preparing to blog this evening, I glanced back at my former posts on these two lessons.  In some ways those posts seem like such a long, long time ago.  I am feeling less restless now and maybe it is because the weather has settled down, we've had more sunshine, and I've been out walking nearly every day.  I am still certain that something big is about to happen - I am definitely open to all the possibilities.

Today was one of those days in which everything I set out to accomplish just happened with amazing ease.  I love days like this.  I love that sense of accomplishment, checking things off the list, and being of service.  It was an easy day to feel God's peace and joy as mine.  I practiced stillness throughout the day and the truth spoke volumes!

Day 118 - Lesson 117

Review -

103 - God, being Love, is also happiness.
104 - I seek but what belongs to me in truth.

I felt such an incredible sense of peace today.  I had a controversial proposal to present to a work group today.  In the past, I would have agonized over it.  I would have dug my heels deep into my position.  I would have felt compelled to aggressively convince everyone that this proposal was the only way to go....and, basically, anyone not agreement just wouldn't be very smart.  It felt so good to release all of that baggage (all of that ego).  I had done my homework, put together a simple presentation, laid out my ideas and the facts as I saw them - and then I sat back and really listened to the feedback.  I received overwhelming support for my idea and I think that, in part, can be attributed to the fact that I simply let go of my need to defend my position.  I truly felt fine about whatever the outcome was going to be - knowing that if the decision was not to support the idea I presented it would have been for good reason.  

This is just a minor, and yet powerful, example of how much easier life is when I let source be my guide - when I 'let go and let God.'  I used to think that was just a ridiculous saying - now I see that I didn't understand it at all.  When my intentions are good, when I am well prepared, when I give up my need to feel like I must control everything - when I detach (because I can't predict the future), when I trust in the rightness of the universe, I am able to appreciate all possibilities and every miracle I encounter.  I am able to actually see the miracles.

Life is such a beautiful thing - I love paying attention!

Day 117 - Lesson 116

Review -

101 - God's Will for me is perfect happiness.
102 - I share God's Will for happiness for me.

I couldn't have been happier to see these lessons for review.  I am so completely and utterly thankful to be 'getting' this.  How wonderful to know that God's Will for me is perfect happiness, and, it's true, I do share God's Will for happiness for me.  I'm working at remembering not to second guess all the blessings - all of the great abundance the universe has to offer.

Day 116 - Lesson 115

Review -

99 - Salvation is my only function here.
100 - My part is essential to God's plan for salvation.

I received a very difficult phone call in the middle of the night last night.  From about 12:30 am to 6:30 am, I slept in fits and starts - maybe two hours at a stretch.  I really struggled with getting back to sleep after the phone call.  I prayed, and chanted a peace mantra, and I prayed, and I chanted the peace mantra.  I tried so hard to remember the sleep mantra but it was elusive and I was too tired to get up and look it up.  When I finally got up this morning, groggy, I reviewed this lesson and felt a renewed sense of energy.  My morning meditation also gave me a much needed sense of purpose.  I was comforted by love, by source, by God.  I was reminded that I have no control over the situation involving the difficult phone call.  I was reminded to spread as much love as possible.  I was reminded that hope - sending thoughts of love and hope out into the universe really do provide healing.  I was reminded that, whether I am comfortable with it or not, the universe in each moment is exactly as it is meant to be. 

I am not in the universe, the universe is in me.

Day 115 - Lesson 114

Review -

97 - I am spirit.
98 - I will accept my part in God's plan for salvation.

Deepak Chopra talks a lot about how we all operate in the awareness of whatever level of consciousness we happen to be on. He talks about the seven types of biological responses - and how the majority of us are at the Fight or Flight Response level.  

I heard something today that really hurt my heart.  I immediately felt like lashing out.  I didn't.  Then I felt like withdrawing.  I didn't.  Instead, for the next few hours I reflected on having observed my reactions.  I reminded myself, over and over again, that I was making a choice about feeling hurt.  I reminded myself that nothing is resolved where love is not present.  I chose to replace the hurt in my heart with feelings of love.  While, initially, this may seem difficult - and it did take me a few hours to get to this level of active awareness - as it turns out, it's really not that hard.

"I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being." ~ Hafiz

Day 114 - Lesson 113

Review -

95 - I am one Self, united with my Creator.
96 - Salvation come from my one Self.

These are good lessons for this day, which is both the Law of Pure Potentiality and Easter.

I began my day with a long meditation period.  I focused on the soul questions and then spent the better part of two hours in and out of the gap.  I enjoyed a morning of family time and preparing food for a family gathering in celebration of Easter.  We had a delicious meal with family. And then, even though it was bitterly cold and windy, we focused on rejoicing in the sunshine and spent time walking in the beauty of our home.

It was a total blessing to abide by the steps suggested for applying the Law of Pure Potentiality.  It is a blessing to know that I am united with my creator; that my salvation is secure.

Day 113 - Lesson 112

Review -

93 - Light and joy and peace abide in me.
94 - I am as God created me.

These are a couple of lessons that are worth reviewing every single day.  I am finding it more and more true that, even when turmoil exists, my heart is filled with light and joy and peace.  This is so because I finally see my divinity, that I am exactly as God created me.  I am starting to understand that I am not in the universe, the universe is in me.

Day 112 - Lesson 111

This lesson begins the third review of part one of this course.

91 - Miracles are seen in light.
92 - Miracles are seen in light, and light and strength are one.

Today I was profoundly reminded of the many miracles I have personally witnessed and observed and felt over the past year.

The theme today was about the sharing of experience, strength, and hope.  What a beautiful thing.  I encountered people and situations all day long in which this theme played out with great regularity.  I appreciate learning to stop judging and labeling.  We are all operating at the consciousness in which we are aware - as our consciousness expands we operate at new levels.  It is a wonderful and joyous journey to seek love, source, God, spirit.

Tonight I was reading Deepak Chopra's The Book of Secrets.  There is a part in which he talks about our bodies wisdom and how our cells operate.  I love this line in particular: Cells have no problem fully participating in the mystery of life.  Isn't it an amazing miracle how each of our cells knows where to go and what to do?  They communicate with each other, they aren't selfish, they all work towards a common goal.

Keep the light on, choose miracles, and you will see them everywhere.

Day 111 - Lesson 110

I am as God created me.

This struck so deeply, so beautifully to me:

The healing power of today's idea is limitless.  It is the birth place of all miracles, the great restorer of the truth to the awareness of the world.  Practice today's idea with gratitude.  This is the truth that comes to set you free.  This is the truth that God has promised you.  This is the Word in which all sorrow ends.

As I contemplated this lesson today and reflected upon the Law of Intention and Desire, I poked around for a quote that would resonate with these truths.  I wanted something both inspirational and practical.  This is what I found:

Choose to be in close proximity to people who are empowering, who appeal to your sense of connection to intention, who see the greatness in you, who feel connected to God, who live a life that gives evidence that Spirit has found celebration through them.
~ Wayne Dyer

I am as God created me.  I am waking up each day thankful for this experience and asking how I can best be a vessel of spirit - a useful instrument of love.

Day 110 - Lesson 109

I rest in God.

I rest in God and today is also the Law of Least Effort.  I love how these lessons so regularly coincide, support, and complement each other.  Even though there were disturbances and turmoil in my life today, I felt comfort, strength, joy, and love in knowing that the universe is exactly as it is intended to be.  It's not that my heart wasn't affected by all that was going on - it's that I am able to accept it without trying to force solutions.  These studies, this active present moment awareness, have become such blessings in my daily routine.

One of the messages within this lesson is: This is the day of peace.  You rest in God, and while the world is torn by winds of hate your rest remains completely undisturbed.  Yours is the rest of truth.  Appearances cannot intrude on you.

I felt this profoundly today.  A year ago at this time, I would have never believed it possible.  And here we are - I choose miracles.

Day 109 - Lesson 108

To give and to receive are one in truth.

This lesson starts out by saying: Vision depends upon today's idea.  The light is in it, for it reconciles all seeming opposites.  And what is light except the resolution, born of peace, of all your conflicts and mistaken thoughts into one concept which is wholly true?  Even that one will disappear, because the Thought behind it will appear instead to take its place.  And now you are at peace forever, for the dream is over then.

I went for a long walk along the beach and then along a hillside path above the beach.  I listened to water lap and occasionally crash upon the shore.  I listened to bird calls of all sorts.  I inhaled the salty cool air.  I closed my eyes and welcomed the warmth of the sun upon my skin.  I sat on an outcropping of tundra and rock and gazed upon the waters, as far as I could see, and then I sank into the scene.  I meditated silently and then I listened as davidji guided me into a meditation that brought this very lesson home inside my heart and into my soul.

The restlessness is not gone, but I was reminded to relax into it - to stop judging it.  The pressure in my third-eye remains, but I am welcoming it, embracing it.  This gift I gave to me and I received it graciously. 

Day 108 - Lesson 107

Truth will correct all errors in my mind.

My mind continues to be a swirl of activity.  I am struggling with stillness.  I keep encouraging myself. I keep accepting myself. I'm pretty sure I am being open to all possibilities.  Yet, my mind is just like this stormy April weather.  I feel pressure in my third-eye area (this has been happening for quite some time and especially during meditation) - I don't have a headache, it's just pressure....it's sensitive.  I am restless.

I'm usually so happy about the arrival of Monday - it's the Law of Giving and Receiving.  I wake up with a smile on my face because it's such a great day of offering up all sorts of extra good thoughts and prayers.  It's a good day to be more present with others, more loving, more open, and more accepting.  I was kind of snarly today.  I did think good thoughts and offered prayers, but the joy in my heart was battling with the restlessness of my mind - and it just didn't feel good.

Today is a full moon.  This is another thing for me to celebrate.  I was so excited to go to the Goddess Gathering.  I was anxiously, excitedly anticipating which Goddess I would select (or which would select me).  I got Mawu - the Mother Earth Goddess.  I was less than thrilled.  Not that Mawu isn't fabulous - of course she is!  However, the message, in short is, "You are called upon to help with environmentalism."  Okey-dokey.  I have no idea why this is for me this month.  Though I have been feeling sad about the inability to recycle or do something useful with so many containers of things we use that then get tossed in the trash.  These are perfectly good plastic and glass containers.  It seems like such a shame that they go to waste.  Maybe I will be inspired to figure out a solution for this dilemma?

Anyway, I am all for the truth correcting the errors of my mind.  I am feeling alternatively excited and dreading whatever the outcome is of this stormy brew....something is afoot and feels as though it must be something big.....I know, I need to just be, just be....

Day 107 - Lesson 106

Let me be still and listen to the truth.

I needed this and that long walk today.  We are given exactly what we need right when we need it - whether we wish to recognize that to be true or not.

I have been feeling restless, worried, claustrophobic - and frustrated in thinking that I shouldn't be having these human feelings because I'm doing all of this good spiritual work.....right!?!

I was lamenting all this today on my walk with my very good friend.  She reminded me that it is April, a tumultuous month.  The weather can't decide what to do.  The moon is nearly full.  I am doing the studying and reflecting and practicing that I am meant to be doing.  She also reminded me that often times, when we feel such strong emotions it is a sign that something big or important is about to happen.  It's all in preparation for that next thing....whatever that next thing is. 

One of the things April has given me is ideas.  I seem to be full of ideas and thoughts - this is....well, I don't want to label it necessarily.  My head is full, it's overflowing actually.  This makes it more difficult for me to be still and, therefore, if I'm not still it's harder for me to listen.

I bought a sketch pad a few days ago.  I can't exactly explain the reason for it.  I don't draw very well and haven't even tried much.  One of my sisters is an amazing artist and she taught me how to draw a few cartoony type characters.  Anyway, a few times this past week, I sat down and just doodled and colored.  It did quiet my mind and it brought me a couple of poetic statements.  Not surprisingly, opening up an avenue I haven't regularly used in my life has provided a channel for creativity to appear.  It feels good.  

Today is the law of pure potentiality.  Pure potentiality!  In stillness I know my true self (Deepak Chopra).

Day 106 - Lesson 105

God's peace and joy are mine.

When everything is going right this statement is easily recognizable as true.  When things aren't going so great it's harder to grasp.  I know that's because when things seem to be going a direction that's not comfortable it's easy to allow ego to head out on overdrive and replace love with fear.

I was feeling that way earlier this evening.  Two super special people in my life are dealing with people they are closest to who are struggling with addictions.  Our family has a pretty good grasp of dealing with addictions.  However, only recently have we begun to embrace the spirituality necessary to free ourselves from our compulsions.

I can still occasionally feel my addictions, they are seated in the right side of my lower jaw.  I know this may seem strange, but every now and then I can feel them physically pulsing there.  It doesn't make me want to smoke a cigarette or drink a beer - I just recognize that they are there and I observe them without judgment.

When things are not going right, it can feel super frustrating to acknowledge that the universe is exactly as it's intended to be in that moment.  That is such a huge statement when your heart feels broken or fear is consuming you.  However, getting present in the moment is the key to calming fear and allowing love to return.  If, in this moment, you feel fear:

Close your eyes,
take a deep breath,
take another deep, slow breath, and another,
place your awareness in your heart,
tell yourself, "I am a beautiful person, I am a worthy, strong, competent person.  I am love."  Keep breathing, slowly.  Pay attention to your breath.  See your breath as you inhale, as you exhale.

If that fear wells up again, do this exercise again, and again, and again.  And remember, God's peace and joy are yours....

....And then it rained love and it looked, and smelled, and sounded, and tasted like flowers gliding on the wings of a summer breeze....

Day 105 - Lesson 104

I seek but what belongs to me in truth.

The practice sessions for this lesson included repeating:

I seek but what belongs to me in truth,
And joy and peace are my inheritance; and,
I seek but what belongs to me in truth,
God's gifts of joy and peace are all I want.

I'm struggling with what to say about this.  My heart is full of so much....but for whatever reason I can't seem to call forth the words for documentation.

I've been feeling stale about this blog / journal this week.  I don't know why?  I feel like I'm bursting with things to say, but when I sit down to write it out it goes away.  I am trying to observe myself without judgment and I'm trying to detach from expectations and outcomes.  It doesn't feel very satisfying.  I feel like I'm not really getting it.  Like I'm understanding it intellectually, but in real 'heart practice' I'm not there.  I know, I know, I need to embrace uncertainty, let go and just be.  I need to try to stop forcing solutions....

I need to meditate.

Day 104 - Lesson 103

God, being Love, is also happiness.

I woke up today with a pounding headache.  I struggled with keeping this lesson in mind.  It was bitterly cold, I didn't feel well, and I had a hard time getting motivated.  I read my lesson, but wasn't sure I absorbed much of it.  As I got ready for work, I turned on Wayne Dyer's Excuses Begone CD #1.  I had listened to a little more than half of it yesterday morning.  This morning, throughout his talk, I kept hearing, "All things are possible with God."  He was talking about how that one statement, when we use it to really change our thinking, changes everything because it is true.  I started saying it over and over in my head - in part because I was trying to rid myself of that awful headache.  I continued to say this throughout the day.  Eventually my headache did go away.  As I considered this thought all day, I felt more energy and more compassion.

When I don't get sucked into autopilot and focus on the past or the future, when I practice present moment awareness, when I remind myself to think about love and to respond through love, I feel lighter, more capable, and happy.

Day 103 - Lesson 102

I share God's Will for happiness for me.

This lesson starts about by saying: You do not want to suffer.  You may think it buys you something, and may still believe a little that it buys you what you want.

I must admit - it's true.  Even though there is great joy in my heart, I sometimes worry a little bit about deserving it.  You know the "why should I be this happy when so many others are suffering...."  However, I'm starting to see more clearly that:

Who am I?  I am a divine being.
What do I want?  I want to know God.
What is my purpose in life? To be happy.

When the 'grand scheme of things' is distilled in my heart, in my mind, this is what it comes down to.  Therefore, I am going to do all I can to shine my light of love with the hope it will encourage someone else to be happy, too.  I am going to keep asking these soul questions and listening to what God tells me.

Day 102 - Lesson 101

God's will for me is perfect happiness.

Well, of course, I love this lesson!  We are raised to believe in suffering - maybe not directly, but certainly in many messages.  Messages about how we don't automatically deserve anything, life is all about hard work and then you're lucky if you get your fair share, life isn't fair.....I know I said these things to my children.  Ugh!

As I read and study this Course in Miracles, it's like a light has been turned on - which is good because that's the intention - but it makes so much sense.  Why would God, Source, Pure Consciousness create us just to make up all sorts of difficult rules that don't really serve holiness, but serve whatever leadership happens to be in place; rules that exclude others and such.  No, it makes so much more sense that our divine sparks are meant to glow with happiness.  We are loved always and our salvation secure.

Day 101 - Lesson 100

My part is essential to God's plan for salvation.

This is such a beautiful lesson.  I especially love this part:

You are indeed essential to God's plan.  Just as your light increases every light that shines in Heaven, so your joy on earth calls to all minds to let their sorrows go, and take their place beside you in God's plan.  God's messengers are joyous, and their joy heals sorrow and despair.  They are the proof that God wills perfect happiness for all who will accept their Father's gifts as theirs.

I loved carrying this lesson around in my heart and in my mind all day.  Today is also the Law of Giving and Receiving (this just makes me look forward to Mondays in a way I never thought possible!).  This was perfect for shining my light and basking in the glow of everyone else's light, too! 

On Saturday, the Law of Dharma, I had an inspiring conversation with two friends.  The conversation kept rolling around in my head.  On Sunday, the Law of Pure Potentiality, I came up with a terrific idea based on the inspirational conversation.  Today, the Law of Giving and Receiving, I shared the idea and it was received with enthusiasm. 

This inspiration, this idea, could have the effect of spreading joy to heal sorrow and despair.  How absolutely wonderful to have an essential part in God's plan for salvation!

Day 100 - Lesson 99

Salvation is my only function here.

This lesson starts out by saying: Salvation and forgiveness are the same.  They both imply that something has gone wrong; something to be saved from, forgiven for; something amiss that needs corrective change; something apart or different from the Will of God.

Of course, it says so much more.  I listened to this message all day.  Today is also the Law of Pure Potentiality.  Even in silence and stillness, my mind kept drifting to all that is possible.  I have been reminding myself regularly not to keep my world small - to remember that ANYTHING is possible, to embrace uncertainty, to let go and just be. 

"Pure consciousness is pure potentiality; it is the field of all possibilities and infinite creativity.  Pure consciousness is our spiritual essence." ~ Deepak Chopra

Day 99 - Lesson 98

I will accept my part in God's plan for salvation.

First off, I struggled with this - because really how do you not accept God's plan for anything?  But then I realized I spent most of my life not accepting anything about God.  So, while God's plan won't change whether I accept it or not, my acceptance only enriches my life and soothes my soul.

This lesson required five minute practice periods every hour.  I thought about this lesson a lot....more than five minutes every hour - I think.  I am reading David Simon's The Ten Commitments and this lesson made me think of the second commitment - I commit to authenticity.  He opens with a poem from Hafiz:

God disguised as myriad things
And playing a game of tag
Has kissed you and said,
"You're it - I mean you're Really IT!"

This poem speaks to my heart.  When Love, Source, God is in our hearts miracles are evident everywhere.  It's impossible to look about and not see them. 

I am a bath taker.  I love baths.  I used to lounge in the tub and say to myself, "mac, you have been given this wonderful body that works, all your limbs work, you can see, you can hear, you can talk and even sing, so why do you abuse it so?  Why do you drink and smoke?  Why don't you eat better?"  I would usually do this about half-sauced - smoking and drinking while I was lounging there in the tub.  I was in a fog, on auto-pilot, and talking without taking any action.  I was miserable.  I could 'pretend happy' pretty well around others, but I wasn't happy.

And then one day, I chose to begin eating better.  Another day, I chose to stop smoking.  Yet another day, I chose to quit drinking.  I also chose to stop drinking coffee.  And then I chose (though I'm still working on this) to stop cursing.  And then, I started to really open up to allowing the miracle of God into my heart.  I began to see myself as a spark of divine.

My life isn't perfect; my life is a miracle.

Day 98 - Lesson 97

I am spirit.

Opening up to spirit, to recognizing my spirit, is an ongoing adventure.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm not obsessed with it?  But then I read something like this:

"Your soul and my soul
Once sat together in the Beloved's womb
Playing footsie.
Your soul and my soul
Are very, very old
Friends."
~ Hafiz

And I think to myself all the many times throughout my life, things have suddenly gone right when they could have been disastrous, when I've come upon a stranger who feels like someone I've known forever, when I enter a room and am able to know the mood without hearing anyone speak.  These, for me, are clear and convincing indications of how active our souls, our spirits, are - we only need pay attention.

I much prefer asking myself the soul questions - over and over throughout the day, silently in my head, to being on autopilot and wondering why I'm unhappy.  I am so much happier now.  Even when things don't go particularly well, I have a calm peacefulness deep within me that had been overlooked, buried, and neglected.

I guess if I'm obsessed....so be it.

Day 97 - Lesson 96

Salvation comes from my one Self.

This lesson addresses how we experience ourselves as two; as both good and evil, loving and hating, mind and body.  I understand and agree with this statement.  However, the lesson goes on to say that the mind and body cannot both exist and that we should not attempt to reconcile this - if you are physical, your mind is gone from your self-concept, for it has no place in which it could be really part of you.  If you are spirit, then the body must be meaningless to your reality.  There is a fair amount of confusion in this lesson for me.  I am beginning to grasp the idea that my body is an illusion, that there is no solid mass of anything, that the universe is twinkling on and off - but it isn't easy.  Developing awareness and understanding of the physical, to the subtle, to the causal is a bit challenging for me.  Though I am actively studying it.  I am curious and interested.

With that....more deep thought, study, and contemplation is required.  My brain is tired after this long and fruitful day.  While I'd like to be in a place of greater knowledge and awareness - I am going to choose to appreciate that I am in exactly the place of understanding and awareness that I am meant to be in.

Day 96 - Lesson 95

I am one with Self, united with my Creator.

This lesson encourages five minutes of practice, of repeating this thought, every waking hour of the day.  The lesson talks about the importance of training our minds and such shorter practice periods are more conducive to concentration at this point in time.

I read a quote by Marianne Williamson today that fits nicely with this lesson: "Fill your mind with sacred thoughts, or neurotic ones will plague you."  How true is that!?!

After learning Primordial Sound Meditation last June, I have been actively maintaining a meditation practice for nearly a year.  This is becoming an integral part of my life, to my peacefulness, to my overall health and well-being.

I don't recall who said it, it could have been Deepak Chopra, or Wayne Dyer, or Davidji, or just about anyone - "Praying is talking to God; meditating is listening to God."  I'm sorry I don't recall who should receive tribute for this because it's brilliant.  Aside from all of the scientifically proven health benefits for meditation, this quote has given me such wonderful perspective.  I am quite adept at talking - meditating is helping me to become a much better listener.

An additional instruction for this lesson today was: To everyone you meet today, be sure to give the promise of today's idea and tell him this: You are one Self with me, united with our creator in this Self. I honor you because of What I am, and What He is, Who loves us both as One.

That's so beautiful.  Very similar to Namaste - I honor the divine light in you that is the same as in me....

There is so much noise in our world, in our environments, in our heads.  These lessons that aid and remind me to quiet my mind, to think sacred thoughts, to honor the divine, calm me in ways I did not heretofore believe were possible.

Day 95 - Lesson 94

I am as God created me.

So, on the face of it, this may not seem great.  I mean if you aren't liking yourself much....or you feel like there is a lot about yourself that needs to change. My initial reaction - because I forget about my divinity - was not exactly one of excitement.  Sometimes, I just get way too caught up in allowing my ego to take over inside my head.  However, as I read on and studied this lesson I was comforted in reaffirming that this, this 'mantra' is one of truth, one that the ego cannot argue with, and one that proclaims sanity is restored!

This lesson assisted me in a few ways today.  I received some very sad news.  As I counseled the couple with the sad news, I was able to draw upon the wisdom in this lesson and, I hope, provide them some comfort through their pain.  The pain and sadness involved loss.  We talked about the 'spirit' still being alive and that a ceremony to thank that spirit, to love that spirit, and to release that spirit into the universe could be a healing experience.

When we recognize that we are as God, or Source, or Love created us, we honor the miracle of spirit. 

Day 94 - Lesson 93

Light and joy and peace abide in me.

As restless as I may occasionally feel, this statement is becoming more and more true for me.  As I read the opening statement to this lesson:

You think you are the home of evil, darkness and sin.  You think if anyone could see the truth about you he would be repelled, recoiling from you as if from a poisonous snake.  You think if what is true about you were revealed to you, you would be struck with horror so intense that you would rush to death by your own hand, living on after seeing this being impossible.

I could feel it inside, that there was a time - for a long period of time - that I did feel this way.  I was constantly worried that people would figure out what an imposter I was and they would no longer want to associate with me.  If they only knew my deep, dark thoughts, they would be disgusted.  I ran from myself for a long time by drinking too much, by smoking too much, by pretending, by laughing louder, by talking louder, by stuffing my feelings, my fear, my pain.

I am relieved, and happy, and blessed to report that I am able to appreciate myself, to love myself, and to believe in the goodness - in my divinity now.  I still have a long way to go (to reach enlightenment), my whole life (and maybe a few more?), but I do feel light, joy, and peace inside so much more often.

Day 93 - Lesson 92

Miracles are seen in light, and light and strength are one.

I got distracted from this lesson this morning.  I started to study it and then, I don't really know what happened, I got busy doing all sorts of overdue chores.  Usually, on a day like today, I would do a few chores and then sit down between them and continue my studies.  This wasn't the case today.  I wasn't great about being present in the moment - but not terrible either.  I got a lot done, but not as much as I would have liked.  I was sort of happy and sort of irritable all day.  As I sat down to look at this lesson again, I realized that I didn't really study it throughout the day at all.  I also completely missed the second 20 minute practice / meditation period.  I'm chuckling over how distracted I got in my own home, doing my own chores....

I do realize that one thought was overwhelmingly on my mind all day - I am ready to move.  I want to be somewhere warm and sunny.  I see myself in a place where I can grow a garden, have a meal outdoors with the scent of flowers in the air, where a farmer's market is nearby....

I will, however, continue to be thankful for the peacefulness of this place, for a job that facilitates my studies, and to be near many special folks.  I know, without a doubt, that when the time is right for me to leave the universe will let me know in no uncertain terms.

Day 92 - Lesson 91

Miracles are seen in light. I especially like this: "The miracle is always there.  Its presence is not caused by your vision; its absence is not the result of your failure to see.  It is only your awareness of miracles that is affected."

I think we are so programmed to not see or expect miracles that we miss out on them all the time.  We are programmed to be tough, to try harder, to compete.  And yet, every time I've found lasting success or felt real happiness it's been during those times when I have been gentle, when I have been helping others.

I spent the majority of my day with two very special little boys.  It is so easy to see miracles when in the company of children.  They are delighted by the simplest of pleasures.  When I keep life simple, when I commit to miracles over grievances, when I'm gentle, when I help others - the light stays on.

Day 91 - Lesson 90

A review of lessons 79 and 80 -

(79) Let me recognize the problem so it can be solved.
(80) Let me recognize my problems have been solved.

These lessons remind me that: "The problem is a grievance; the solution is a miracle.  And I invite the solution to come to me through my forgiveness of the grievance, and my welcome of the miracle that takes its place." (79) and:
"I do not see the problem and the answer as simultaneous in their occurrence." (80)

These lessons reminded me of an exercise we did at the recent meditation retreat I attended.  In the exercise we were given only one instruction at a time and were not aware of the next instruction before completing the first:

1. Wrote down a specific current challenge.
2. Wrote an immediate solution (because we always have a solution already created in our minds).
3. Wrote another solution - any solution.
4. Finally, we wrote out the best possible solution, the 'shoot for the moon' solution.

This was really beneficial in seeing how we limit ourselves and aren't automatically open to all possibilities.  I plan to use this exercise anytime I feel challenged over something.  In all cases, if I take the time to ask myself what love would do the possibilities become limitless.