Why this? Why now?

I have given a great deal of thought to whether or not a blog is right for me. I have been on an amazing journey - some of it very sad, some of it profoundly joyful. Transformation is possible - I know because it is happening with me.

I can't say for sure when it all started, other than it started happening with tremendous regularity upon my 40th birthday. This may be a rather normal occurence - you reach a certain age and start wondering if this is all there is in life. Am I doing what I'm meant to be doing? Are my beliefs real - what are my beliefs exactly?

Here's a smattering of the journey -

I got a divorce and began to discover and explore life from a much different perspective.

I began thinking about my health and researching and reaching out to learn things like: what I should be doing to avoid heart disease. The book, The China Study, changed my life. I am now a vegetarian. This also led me to quit smoking....and finally to stop drinking, too (I don't care what the studies say - just eat the grapes instead).

I have embarked upon an incredible spiritual journey - from a comparative religions class, to studying Ayurvedic living (of which I'm now studying to become an instructor), to learning more about Buddhism, and, as documented here in my blog, an active study of A Course In Miracles.

I am in a place in my life where I finally recognize very consciously that what I put in my mind and in my body is what comes out. As I am reminded most days when listening to Deepak Chopra's soul affirmations, "My body is the garden of my soul."

May I be of vessel of spirit, of loving-compassion.

Yes, I do think a blog is right for me. Thank you for joining me.
Namaste,

mac

Monday, January 24, 2011

Day 24 - Lesson 23

I woke up this morning feeling rested.  I entered into my meditation, I did some yoga for about 45 minutes, I drank some tea, read my lesson, showered, and got ready for work.  The lesson - I can escape from the world I see by giving up attack thoughts. The lesson encourages five practice sessions where you think of this phrase and add whatever the topic of the attack thoughts happen to be.

I'm not really feeling any attack thoughts, so it's kind of a struggle.  However, I thought about things that have bothered me in the past and things I didn't respond particularly well to.  So, if felt like I was pursuing the lesson correctly.

However, I must have promptly forgot the lesson upon walking out the door.  When I got to work it seems that nearly everything I touched went sour, fell apart, was all wrong - you name it, but it wasn't good.  I worked late and was tired and feeling defeated.  I came home in stingy snow cold weather; only to gear up and head back out to take the beagle for a walk.  I was feeling blue and tense.

So we walked and we walked and I began reflecting - I didn't even think that I was trying to do that - it just happened (the reflecting).  Anyway, I realized that I had really internalized all the stuff that was going wrong and did a bit of a self-attack.  You know, instead of taking a step back, breathing, reminding myself that the balance in life means there's stuff that feels like it's going right and there's stuff that doesn't.  Keeping a healthy perspective and loving myself is the best way to get through the day.

The walk did me good in myriad ways - the lesson stayed with me after all.
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