Why this? Why now?

I have given a great deal of thought to whether or not a blog is right for me. I have been on an amazing journey - some of it very sad, some of it profoundly joyful. Transformation is possible - I know because it is happening with me.

I can't say for sure when it all started, other than it started happening with tremendous regularity upon my 40th birthday. This may be a rather normal occurence - you reach a certain age and start wondering if this is all there is in life. Am I doing what I'm meant to be doing? Are my beliefs real - what are my beliefs exactly?

Here's a smattering of the journey -

I got a divorce and began to discover and explore life from a much different perspective.

I began thinking about my health and researching and reaching out to learn things like: what I should be doing to avoid heart disease. The book, The China Study, changed my life. I am now a vegetarian. This also led me to quit smoking....and finally to stop drinking, too (I don't care what the studies say - just eat the grapes instead).

I have embarked upon an incredible spiritual journey - from a comparative religions class, to studying Ayurvedic living (of which I'm now studying to become an instructor), to learning more about Buddhism, and, as documented here in my blog, an active study of A Course In Miracles.

I am in a place in my life where I finally recognize very consciously that what I put in my mind and in my body is what comes out. As I am reminded most days when listening to Deepak Chopra's soul affirmations, "My body is the garden of my soul."

May I be of vessel of spirit, of loving-compassion.

Yes, I do think a blog is right for me. Thank you for joining me.
Namaste,

mac

Monday, January 17, 2011

Day 17 - Lesson 17

I see no neutral things.  Rather than get into the specifics of this lesson and the practice sessions.....because I would either over-simplify it or over-complicate it ~ I'm still working through it.

Today I was met with a situation that reminds me how powerful our words and our body language are in the lives of others.  How a stern look or sharp word can stay with someone for so much longer than a day, a week, a month, a year.  It can be so easy to go about life, to react to daily problems and frustrations, and say something to someone that you know is mean-spirited - and then not give it another thought.  Okay, maybe think about it, but justify it and move on.  I spoke with someone today who expressed a deep sadness in a rather nonchalant way about how another colleague had treated her more than one year ago.  How he had made her feel dumb and let her know in very specific terms, without coming right out and saying it, that he thought she was dumb.  She respects this person and believes he is one of the smartest people she has ever met.  So, I think that of course makes his response to her extra hurtful. 

There are so many lessons in this story.  I'm curious about one thing - how did her colleague feel after he responded to her this way?  I know I feel, in a very real way, this deep regret in my heart when I walk away from a conversation in which I know, I know, I know that I said something hurtful and/or my body language expressed something hurtful.  I get that icky feeling way down deep in the pit of my stomach.  No matter how hard I try to justify my "rightness" in having that reaction - I wouldn't have that icky feeling if there were anything at all right about it.

There just never is anything right about purposefully hurting someone with our words or our body language.  It serves only to deepen an existing divide, an existing disconnect.  The best way to get over those feelings of needing to lash out is to 'suck it up' and take a deep breath and give some patience, some time, and a smile.

I am practicing walking away from every encounter in a way that I can feel good about.  In those situations that I don't handle so well and I get that icky feeling - I am practicing asking for forgiveness from the person I've hurt.
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