Why this? Why now?

I have given a great deal of thought to whether or not a blog is right for me. I have been on an amazing journey - some of it very sad, some of it profoundly joyful. Transformation is possible - I know because it is happening with me.

I can't say for sure when it all started, other than it started happening with tremendous regularity upon my 40th birthday. This may be a rather normal occurence - you reach a certain age and start wondering if this is all there is in life. Am I doing what I'm meant to be doing? Are my beliefs real - what are my beliefs exactly?

Here's a smattering of the journey -

I got a divorce and began to discover and explore life from a much different perspective.

I began thinking about my health and researching and reaching out to learn things like: what I should be doing to avoid heart disease. The book, The China Study, changed my life. I am now a vegetarian. This also led me to quit smoking....and finally to stop drinking, too (I don't care what the studies say - just eat the grapes instead).

I have embarked upon an incredible spiritual journey - from a comparative religions class, to studying Ayurvedic living (of which I'm now studying to become an instructor), to learning more about Buddhism, and, as documented here in my blog, an active study of A Course In Miracles.

I am in a place in my life where I finally recognize very consciously that what I put in my mind and in my body is what comes out. As I am reminded most days when listening to Deepak Chopra's soul affirmations, "My body is the garden of my soul."

May I be of vessel of spirit, of loving-compassion.

Yes, I do think a blog is right for me. Thank you for joining me.
Namaste,

mac

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Day 129 - Lesson 128

* I was traveling yesterday (day 129) and could not get a good internet connection to post this.

The world I see holds nothing that I want.

This lesson is complicated for me.  I think I have a fairly good grasp of what it’s telling me; however, the concept that each thing you value here is but a chain that binds you to the world, and it will serve no other end but this.  For everything must serve the purpose you have given it, until you see a different purpose there.

I feel like I’m walking some sort of tight rope between two worlds.  I would like to devote the majority of my time to exploring and studying the great spiritual belief systems – I know I’ve said this before.  I have this intense desire to immerse myself in it and yet I also have an underlying voice in my head that doesn’t see how that could happen.  I have responsibilities and how would such a venture be funded?  Again, it’s these types of thoughts that I fully recognize keep my world small.  Apparently I’m still struggling with being open to uncertainty and all that’s possible.

I know I can’t force this.  That’s difficult for me.  Though I do trust that the universe is exactly as it is meant to be – I will be more mindful of this moment and more appreciative. 
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