Why this? Why now?

I have given a great deal of thought to whether or not a blog is right for me. I have been on an amazing journey - some of it very sad, some of it profoundly joyful. Transformation is possible - I know because it is happening with me.

I can't say for sure when it all started, other than it started happening with tremendous regularity upon my 40th birthday. This may be a rather normal occurence - you reach a certain age and start wondering if this is all there is in life. Am I doing what I'm meant to be doing? Are my beliefs real - what are my beliefs exactly?

Here's a smattering of the journey -

I got a divorce and began to discover and explore life from a much different perspective.

I began thinking about my health and researching and reaching out to learn things like: what I should be doing to avoid heart disease. The book, The China Study, changed my life. I am now a vegetarian. This also led me to quit smoking....and finally to stop drinking, too (I don't care what the studies say - just eat the grapes instead).

I have embarked upon an incredible spiritual journey - from a comparative religions class, to studying Ayurvedic living (of which I'm now studying to become an instructor), to learning more about Buddhism, and, as documented here in my blog, an active study of A Course In Miracles.

I am in a place in my life where I finally recognize very consciously that what I put in my mind and in my body is what comes out. As I am reminded most days when listening to Deepak Chopra's soul affirmations, "My body is the garden of my soul."

May I be of vessel of spirit, of loving-compassion.

Yes, I do think a blog is right for me. Thank you for joining me.
Namaste,

mac

Monday, July 18, 2011

Day 199 - Lesson 198

Only my condemnation injures me.

Today we practice letting freedom come to make its home with you.  The truth bestows these words upon your mind, that you may find the key to light and let the darkness end:

Only my condemnation injures me.
Only my own forgiveness sets me free.

Do not forget today that there can be no form of suffering that fails to hide an unforgiving thought.  Nor can there be a form of pain forgiveness cannot heal.

I am reminded of those famous words I hear Claire say in yoga - "Where our attention goes, energy flows."  It can feel incredibly difficult to release judgment and condemnation - especially when we've turned such thoughts inward.  Indeed we harm ourselves when we treat others this way, but it's equally true when we view ourselves in ways that aren't loving and forgiving.  I have been struggling with this quite a lot lately.  I have been dealing with a significant weight gain.  I have been chubby before and it's always been relatively easy for me to lose weight.  However, this past year - the year in which I've been getting my life together (better diet, no smoking, no drinking, more regular exercise), I feel like I'm just ballooning.  This has been getting me down.  So, I keep hearing, "Where our attention goes, energy flows."  I think it's possible that since my attention has been so focused on the fact that I'm gaining weight - I keep gaining it.  I guess it's time to forgive myself, to embrace that energetic, vibrant, healthy woman inside of me.  I want my attention to be supportive and loving.

....where my attention goes....energy flows....
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