Why this? Why now?

I have given a great deal of thought to whether or not a blog is right for me. I have been on an amazing journey - some of it very sad, some of it profoundly joyful. Transformation is possible - I know because it is happening with me.

I can't say for sure when it all started, other than it started happening with tremendous regularity upon my 40th birthday. This may be a rather normal occurence - you reach a certain age and start wondering if this is all there is in life. Am I doing what I'm meant to be doing? Are my beliefs real - what are my beliefs exactly?

Here's a smattering of the journey -

I got a divorce and began to discover and explore life from a much different perspective.

I began thinking about my health and researching and reaching out to learn things like: what I should be doing to avoid heart disease. The book, The China Study, changed my life. I am now a vegetarian. This also led me to quit smoking....and finally to stop drinking, too (I don't care what the studies say - just eat the grapes instead).

I have embarked upon an incredible spiritual journey - from a comparative religions class, to studying Ayurvedic living (of which I'm now studying to become an instructor), to learning more about Buddhism, and, as documented here in my blog, an active study of A Course In Miracles.

I am in a place in my life where I finally recognize very consciously that what I put in my mind and in my body is what comes out. As I am reminded most days when listening to Deepak Chopra's soul affirmations, "My body is the garden of my soul."

May I be of vessel of spirit, of loving-compassion.

Yes, I do think a blog is right for me. Thank you for joining me.
Namaste,

mac

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Day 37 - Lesson 36

My holiness envelopes everything I see.  So, I'm just going to say - right up front - that I feel like a complete failure in this lesson today.  I'm seriously thinking that I need to practice this lesson again tomorrow.  Maybe I didn't practice it enough.  Maybe I didn't pay enough attention as I was practicing.  Maybe both of those things are true.

I felt a great deal of impatience today.  I felt overwhelmed with the long list of things I need to do.  There was enjoyment in my day, too.  I spent time with loved ones and enjoyed some beautiful and unseasonably warm February weather.  The beagle and I had a good walk.  I was, apparently, just prime for being reactionary when a 'hot button' got pushed - and, of course, now I feel bad and I feel frustrated because this is exactly an area on which I am working so hard.  I made a phone call and the customer service was terrible.  However, instead of being patient and kind I raised my voice, told the individual to "FORGET IT," and I hung up.  You know that icky feeling in the pit of my stomach I've talked about?  Yep, there it is.  Just sloshing around there.  Oh, and I also used a couple of swear words when I hung up.  Another something I've really been working on not doing.  More ickyness in there sloshing around.  Not much by way of enveloping holiness going on - somehow my ego snuck in and stayed.

Yes, I can hear Deepak Chopra's voice in my head telling me to observe my feelings without judgment and to continue to love myself and to be present in the moment.

I think I'll go take another walk. 
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2 comments:

  1. UnknownFebruary 6, 2011 at 10:31 PM

    Michelle, stop beating yourself up. You are human, and as you know, we are not human beings on a spiritual journey - we are spiritual beings on a human journey. Deepak Chopra says that spirituality is a domain of awareness, and you, my friend, are very much aware! Thank you for being YOU. 8)

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  2. macFebruary 7, 2011 at 9:09 PM

    Thank you, Gina! I appreciate your kind reminder and your loving support!

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