I received a phone call from an irate employee today. This employee unloaded on me about how unfairly our company had treated his wife (also an employee). I tried to explain that the issue was not something I could discuss with him - that it was a confidential personnel issue between his wife and the company. He accused the company of treating her in a way that I know did not happen because I was there and participated in addressing the matter with her. However, I felt the presence of Spirit in my heart and chose a different message. I allowed him to just vent, to just get it all out. I told him that I heard him and I reiterated what I thought I heard him say - I checked in with him about the accuracy of what I thought I was hearing. We did this several times and spent nearly one hour on the phone. I asked him if he might consider giving the situation a couple of days and then to check back in with me. I suggested that he might want to talk about it again, after his initial frustration was released, and maybe we could identify some constructive ways to better address his concerns. He, while still very angry, thanked me for listening and apologized for yelling and venting it all at me. I told him that I appreciated his concern for and his desire to protect and defend his wife.
This situation, had I allowed it, could have gone in a much different and negative way. I could have felt personally attacked. I could have felt the need to defend the company. I could have yelled back, called him a liar, and hung up the phone. I could have contacted his manager and told him about the inappropriate way this employee treated me. However, I had no reason to defend myself or the company. The situation with his wife had been addressed appropriately, with kindness, and with accuracy.
For whatever complicated human reason, this guy needed to blow off some steam and he needed to feel justified (for himself) in doing so. I was able to detach from his anger and allow him to own it (I didn't need to own it by becoming defensive). I expressed love to him by listening and by suggesting a time frame in which we could address his concerns again. I was able to hang up the phone with a ray of hope in my heart that:
- He would feel a sense of relief that the phone call didn't escalate into something more serious,
- He will call me next week and want to address his concerns in a more constructive way,
- I am making strides in communicating with more love and less of a need to defend my own point of view,
- I am making progress in my ability to detach while maintaining compassion and empathy.
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