The Word of God is given me to speak.
Today has been a long day and filled with challenges. There are days when, and I know I've written about this in previous posts, I feel like I'm straddling two worlds. Today was one of those days. My life has been filled with a whirlwind of activity....I have a full time career that consumes a great deal of time, I serve on the board of directors of our community health center and just last night I was elected as the board chair, I have just recently passed the certification course as a Perfect Health instructor, I have also been studying for the Primordial Sound Meditation instructor certification course, I am beginning a Kundalini Dancing Meditation course, planning perfect health classes, developing a radio program, and providing community education when asked - and this study too.
Tonight I didn't achieve a goal that I had set. For the first few minutes of that realization I felt the all-consuming and self-defeating emotions of failure. I became pretty emotional. Then I heard Deepak Chopra's voice in my head, "Observing our emotions without judgment is the highest form of human intelligence." So then I tried that. I also listened to all of the other messages about the universe being exactly as it is intended to be - in every given moment; to embrace uncertainty; somehow, even though I set the intention and did the work to achieve the goal, I didn't. Was that a choice? I think it must have been. I knew early on that the goal may be too aggressive, that it may need to wait. I told myself I was looking for a sign that would tell me definitively what to do. As I reflect upon the past few weeks, I think I mostly overlooked all the signs that would have given me that answer - I just didn't pay attention to the signs until one became personal. As in really, knock me upside the head and slap me in the face and stab my heart personal.
There is an important lesson in all of this for me. Is it about acknowledging the abundance I already experience in my life? Is it about honoring my intellect without comparing it to something external? Is it about recognizing my value without attaching it something outside of me? Is it about releasing expectation and gaining clarity by less being more?
I don't have the answers, but I do have the questions, and I'm finding that the more I get in touch with the questions, I don't have to struggle to force the answers (I think I'm getting that anyway). Oh, and crying is just another form of cleansing.
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