Why this? Why now?

I have given a great deal of thought to whether or not a blog is right for me. I have been on an amazing journey - some of it very sad, some of it profoundly joyful. Transformation is possible - I know because it is happening with me.

I can't say for sure when it all started, other than it started happening with tremendous regularity upon my 40th birthday. This may be a rather normal occurence - you reach a certain age and start wondering if this is all there is in life. Am I doing what I'm meant to be doing? Are my beliefs real - what are my beliefs exactly?

Here's a smattering of the journey -

I got a divorce and began to discover and explore life from a much different perspective.

I began thinking about my health and researching and reaching out to learn things like: what I should be doing to avoid heart disease. The book, The China Study, changed my life. I am now a vegetarian. This also led me to quit smoking....and finally to stop drinking, too (I don't care what the studies say - just eat the grapes instead).

I have embarked upon an incredible spiritual journey - from a comparative religions class, to studying Ayurvedic living (of which I'm now studying to become an instructor), to learning more about Buddhism, and, as documented here in my blog, an active study of A Course In Miracles.

I am in a place in my life where I finally recognize very consciously that what I put in my mind and in my body is what comes out. As I am reminded most days when listening to Deepak Chopra's soul affirmations, "My body is the garden of my soul."

May I be of vessel of spirit, of loving-compassion.

Yes, I do think a blog is right for me. Thank you for joining me.
Namaste,

mac

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Day 256 - Lesson 255

This day I choose to spend in perfect peace.

So, I completely blew this lesson today.  I woke up and meditated and then read this lesson.  I remember thinking to myself - what a great lesson, even though I'm feeling some internal struggle about getting back into my regular work routine, I'm going to embrace this lesson and do all I can to help and serve and appreciate everything this day has to offer.

It must not have taken too long....maybe five minutes or so for me to allow this lesson to slip out of my awareness.  I allowed fear (false evidence appearing real) to seep into my thoughts and I invited it to stay for much of the day.  I really felt out of sorts and couldn't get it together.  I didn't want to be at work, I learned that two of my employees need to be gone unexpectedly during a busy time when their help is especially needed, I was frustrated over the fact that I just spent several thousand dollars on a second car only to learn that it was running 'funny' today, I didn't hear about whether or not my bid was accepted on the house, I feel too fat to be a true and authentic yogi, I feel like I'm swimming in circles without really getting anywhere.

I can't say why all this nonsense bubbled up for me today?  I was irritable and blue.  Usually I am able to grasp onto hope and feel good about all that is good.  Today was just a struggle.  Life just is complicated at times.  Even when we have the ability to reach out for God, for hope, for Source, for love....sometimes it's just plain difficult for no apparent and evident reason.

I re-read the lesson this evening and I am going to reflect on these words as I prepare for sleep - Let me this day have faith in Him Who says I am God's Son.  And let the peace I choose be mine today bear witness to the truth of what He says.  God's Son can have no cares, and must remain forever in the peace of Heaven.
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