Your peace is with me, Father. I am safe.
I'd like to say that I kept this lesson in my awareness today - and that I acted upon it. It says this, in part:
And so we go in peace. To all the world we give the message that we have received. And thus we come to hear the Voice for God, Who speaks to us as we relate his Word; Whose Love we recognize because we share the Word that He has given unto us.
I guess it's not really fair to say that it wasn't in my awareness - certainly it was; it just didn't come from me.....well, not directly anyway.
I had a bit of a meltdown today. I took my final test for the Perfect Health Teacher certification. I was well-prepared. I did well in my oral presentations all week. I felt really ready for this test. Historically, I have suffered terribly from test anxiety. Sweaty palms, headaches, irritability, racing heart, etc. Not this time. There were some signs of anxiety - I developed a canker sore earlier this week and had a bit of a skin rash on my neck and chest, but nothing else. I felt really good as I answered the test questions, until I got to one that I couldn't complete, and then I came to another that I couldn't remember all of the information for, and then another that was also incomplete. I just moved on calmly and continued to answer the questions with relative ease. At the end, I went back to the ones I struggled with and still couldn't get it. I sat back, I took a deep breath, I paused....I still had plenty of time. I encouraged myself to let it just come - and - it didn't. And then, it felt like the walls of the room were crashing in on me. I was struggling with breathing. I started to feel like maybe I had flunked the test. This was truly an experience of anxiety. I turned in my test and left the room. I cried and continued to struggle with this irrational response.
I didn't feel like a very good example of a 'perfect health' teacher. I felt like a failure.
Thankfully, I was among many loving and supportive souls who wrapped me up in love and reminded me that I am smart, capable, lovable, and having an emotional experience for all sorts of 'sometimes life is complicated' reasons.
I passed the test, I celebrated with these loving souls.....I am reminding myself that I am indeed lovable. God's peace came to me in the form of the love and support of my fellow teachers.
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